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Schmo Munchkin v. Ida
Raymond Nat Turner, BAR poet-in-residence
22 Sep 2021
🖨️ Print Article
Schmo Munchkin v. Ida

Schmo Munchkin v. Ida

 

Ida:

Hello, Schmo…

Munchkin: 

I’m the most powerful politician in the most

powerful deliberative body in the most powerful

country in the world—and who the hell are you?

Ida: 

Who the hell do you think I am, Mr. Muthafrakkker—

Fossil Fuel-Big Pharma-errand boy?

I’m Ida, Sister of Sandy, Daughter of Katrina—and 

Alcohol, Geritol, protocol puppets like you don’t impress me…

Munchkin: 

What?! How’d you manage to get in here anyway?

Get out now, or I’m calling the Capitol Police…

Ida:

Capitol Police? You remind me of another reason I’m visiting

16 years to the day…All your crowing about body-armored, 

bear spray-bearing, feeble-minded men “storming” Capitalist 

Hill January 6 insulted us!

Storms are more complex and simple than bunches of

wild Boer police/soldiers in lynch mob mode…

We’re traumatized survivors of corporate-caused climate

catastrophe—That’s why we kill…What’s your excuse, Schmo?

Munchkin: 

Why, you young cunt, you! You don’t come to Capitalist 

Hill and talk to a powerful man like me like that! Get out! 

Get out now, before I have the FBI frame you, ICE detain

you and the CIA assassinate you before can say clean coal!

Ida: 

Your framers, detainers, assassins, bombs, missiles, drones,

and submarines don’t frighten me. I knocked down 8 power 

lines and washed out 100 police cars on my way here…

Munchkin: 

You blasphemous bitch—how dare you speak to a U.S. Senator

like this! I’ll convene a bipartisan Senate Sub-Committee and 

get to the bottom of your bitchy behavior! Then I’ll plant stories 

in the Times, the Post, on FOX—I’ll ruin your reputation! Why,

your name’ll be mud by morning’s end!

Ida: 

Enough with the impotent threats—enough with

comedy that bombs and kills… fossil fool!

Enough with corny failed state slogans and cruel

commands: “Build back better!” “Prepare for a month

without power;” while you bomb, sanction and oversee 

$elections of bloodthirsty thugs across the globe!

Munchkin: 

Police, police…we have a credible crazy—an Eco-Identity-

Extremist-Terrorist threat… get up here ASAP—now!

Ida:  

Quite the drama queen, heh, coal baron-Karen? 

A few months ago you and your corporate pay-masters

could conceal carnage caused by blowing heads off mountains;

ejaculating fracking fluid into groundwaters; and pumping pig

shit into ponds near peoples’ homes… 

Munchkin:

The American people aren’t interested in your hysterical

horse-faced lesbian commie rant! They have the Super Bowl;

NBA Finals; boxing; and superstar celebrities to worship! They

have apple-orange GOAT debates! They have twenty-two types

of toothpastes and toilet tissues to think about! And, as well

Ms Wet Thing, they get to vote every 2-4 years…

Ida: 

Senator Sleaze, you and your fossil fuel puppeteers have

royally f’d this planet up! And now you’re scheming Space

escapes; now you’re hunting other planets to plunder! 

Your multibillionaire bosses better slow their roll—maybe

take the time to snort a line or two of the Green New Deal…

Munchkin:

Why, you wind-bagging wench, how many times must 

I tell you… you don’t talk to a U.S. Senator like that?!

Ida:

Gulf and east coast homes look like Palestinian apartment 

buildings struck by water-filled apartheid state missiles…

And the roads are rivers…

Munchkin:

I knew it…you’re an anti-Semite—an anti-Semitic storm!!

Ida:

PLEASE, Your Slime-e-Ness, we’re dyed in the wool internationalists.

That’s why we’re applying ‘Super Storm Sanctions' to the U.S. …bet

you know a thing or two about how sanctions work: No break from

Heartbreak…

Hey, maybe ‘the American people’ will rise like rivers and sweep your

scurvy asses out to sea? Maybe they’ll spare the world eternal grief?

Munchkin:

Out!!!!

Ida:

Oh, I’ll be back…No…my lil’ Sistars Serena and Simone; my 

lil’ brothers LeBron and Shaq will soon make landfall, serving, 

flipping, twisting, slamming and drenching this slow motion 

Disaster you call capitalism!

Munchkin:

The Capitol Police are on their way…

Ida:

Tell them to save their energy for bear spray-baton boys. I’m

off to the War House to see the other Schmo! From there I’ll

sweep over the White Supreme Court checking Strong-arm

Williams’/Thom-ass Clarence’s Bassackwards Tribe Tom Talks…

 

Former forklift driver/warehouse worker/janitor, Raymond Nat Turner is a NYC poet;  BAR's Poet-in-Residence; and founder/co-leader of the jazz-poetry ensemble UpSurge!NYC. You can Vote for his work at:  

GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/the-town-criers-big-tooth-fund

PayPal: paypal.me/towncrierRNT

© 2021. Raymond Nat Turner, The Town Crier. All Rights Reserved.

Hurricane Ida
Joe Manchin

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