Unbreakable Unmistakable: Donda West
by
BAR columnist Lizz Brown
"Maybe she felt that she would be a better representative
for her loving son if she looked more like Hollywood's definition of a 58 year
old woman."
It was something that she didn't want me to see and it was
the last thing she gave me. I was 8 and my mother was dying. As she lay in her hospital bed wasting away
with leukemia's treatment and disease, she clutched my hand and begged the
nurse to take me away. She didn't want
me to see her in pain. She didn't want
me to remember her pain. I was too
young to understand that she was trying to give me a gift. She didn't want me
to see her like that.
My adult mind understands the decisions made that
morning. My adult mind sometimes even
reconstructs that moment so that the way I remember it is replaced with what my
Mother wanted me to remember.
But, every once in a while, actually more often than not,
the little girl in me remembers that cold January morning as being snatched
away when my Mother needed me. The
little 8 year-old motherless daughter that I became remembers that all she
wanted to do was to keep laying next to her Momma.
I thought about that moment with my Mother when I read the reason Donda West, the mother
of Kanye West, died.
"We should all really be focusing on why Donda West felt
the need to climb under any cosmetic surgeons' knife."
It is being reported that Donda West died as a result of
complications from cosmetic surgery.
Plastic surgeon Dr. Jan Adams has said that he is
the one who performed the tummy tuck and breast reduction surgery. Dr Adams
also says that her death was unforeseen and could have been caused by a heart
attack, pulmonary embolism, or massive vomiting. Another surgeon claims that Donda
West came to him for cosmetic surgery and he declined. It seems this surgeon was concerned about
existing medical conditions that would have complicated surgery and he
instructed Ms. West to get approval before any surgery.
So there you have it - dueling medical recollections. And
you know where this LA war of cosmetic surgery to the stars is headed - it's
going to get nasty. One surgeon is
already calling the other names and petty accusations are flying.
As tempting as it may be to watch the developing surgical
cat fight, we should all really be focusing on why Donda West felt the need to
climb under any cosmetic surgeons' knife.
What were the pressures that led her to this deadly decision?
Donda West was a Professor of English. She was chairman of Chicago State University's English department. And she
was an African American woman. Why did she succumb to the cosmetic pull of a
tummy tuck?
Studies have shown that despite all of the ugly images and
hateful messages inflicted by the media upon Women of African descent; we still
think and feel we look good. According
to one
study, "Who's That Girl: Television's Role in the Body Image Development of
Young White and Black Women," women of African descent seemed to be "mostly
unscathed by watching numerous hours of television programs featuring thin,
white women." According to one
of the authors of the study, L. Monique Ward, professor of psychology at
University of Michigan, "Basically, black women just don't feel bad in the
same way white women do by watching television." According to this study Black women have fewer eating disorders
and fewer negative images about our bodies.
"Women of African descent
seemed to be ‘mostly unscathed by watching numerous hours of television
programs featuring thin, white women.'"
Mikki Taylor, beauty director at Essence magazine,
sums up our positive body self image as part of African culture: "There
just isn't a black standard of beauty to live up to," she says. "We
celebrate our uniqueness, whether it's different skin hues, or different hair.
Unlike mainstream culture, there is no one standard that is going to make us
feel inferior." We do not yearn to look like any other culture.
And Donda West was loved. She was so loved by her son.
It is not so amazing that Kanye loved his Mom - most of us
do. What is amazing is how the world
knows how much Kanye West loves his Mom.
I have no idea how Common, lil Kim or Smokey Robinson feel about their
Moms but everyone knows Kanye loves his Momma. He made it clear. He wrote songs about her. He made her a visible part of his life and a
visible part of his fortune. Most of all,
he sang it:
As we knelt on the kitchen floor
I said mommy Imma love you till you don't hurt no more
And when I'm older, you aint gotta work no more
And Imma get you that mansion that we couldn't afford
See you're, unbreakable, unmistakable
Highly capable, lady that's makin loot
A livin legend too, just look at what heaven do
Send us an angel, and I thank you
So why did Donda West do it? Maybe we will never know. Or maybe it came down to this - despite a
cultural heritage that gives African American women strength in the face of
negative body messages, Kanye's Mommy stumbled under the pressure of the
Industry. Maybe she felt that she would
be a better representative for her loving son at all of the parties, book
signings and premieres if she looked more like Hollywood's definition of a 58
year old woman. Maybe she thought that she would save her son from some pain if
she looked "better." Maybe she thought that she was giving him a gift.
As a motherless child who was given a similar type of gift
out of love, and protection from pain, I wonder how Kanye will remember
it.
Hey Mama
I wanna scream so loud for you, cuz I'm so proud of you...
I appreciate what you allowed for me
I just want you to be proud of me...
Lizz Brown is a veteran
journalist, broadcaster, activist, educator and attorney based in St. Louis.
She can be contacted at lizzbrown@sbcglobal.net.
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